


when you're looking like this (i just can't resist it)

by 18ziam



Series: 'cause i can't stop myself [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), THAT IS A FANDOM @AO3, Zayn Malik (Musician), ziam - Fandom
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Ziam Ficathon, i won't mind, i won't mind is zayn's loveletter to liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:19:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/18ziam/pseuds/18ziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fluffy drabble (x 10) where zayn and liam finally fess up their love for each other after naughty boy leaks "i won't mind" - the personal love letter to liam. </p><p>or: where <em>"i won't mind"</em> is purposely dedicated to liam, released for the whole world's ears. liam realises and they get together to discuss their whole... ordeal. </p><p>set in : may 2015 (dark times)</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you're looking like this (i just can't resist it)

**Author's Note:**

> no smut here - apologies! smut might be in a next part that i _might_ make.

_[Don’t look around ‘cause love is blind and darlin’ right now, I can’t see ya]_

 

**@NaughtyBoyMusic:** _let the music do the talking guys. thank us later.  :) x_

 

_

Zayn panics; _completely loses it._ He paces round his room, tugging at his hair, inwardly screaming because his fucking secret _love letter to Liam_ is out.

Out for the world to see.

While Liam has a girlfriend.

 _And it’s not even like he can pretend it was about someone else when Liam discovers it._ It’s so **fucking** obvious he wants to _scream._

He actually does scream, grabs his phone from his table and gets Shahid up on speed-dial. It goes to voicemail.

‘FUCK YOU’ Zayn snarls down the line, before jabbing the “ _end call”_. It’s then that he sees the text from Liam, the dreaded:

_cn we talk  ? – li.x_

 

[ _I feel your pulse is slowing down and down; I can feel ya]_

Liam cautiously rings the doorbell, hands going up to tug at his buzzed hair out of habit.

_(“Gon’ lose all your hair if ye keep doin’ that baby”)_

Zayn opens the door, leaving Liam slack-jawed and awestruck. He’s wearing a simple white button up and black skinnies but it’s the first time Liam’s seen him since he’s left the band and

_Yeah._

‘Hi’ Zayn mumbles, a small smile playing at his lips. It’s nervous though: Liam can tell.

_Hell, he knows far too much about Zayn._

When Liam doesn’t reply, Zayn steps out of the way and waves a hand inside. Liam steps in hesitantly, throwing a shy smile at Zayn.

It sends Zayn’s heart reeling.

 

[ _‘Cause we are who we are, when no one’s watching’_ ]

 

‘Anything to drink?’ Zayn questions, walking into his lounge area, rubbing his hands together. Liam turns around from their WWA group selfie (framed and blown up in HD on the wall).

He giggles immediately and Zayn feels a bit insecure.

‘ _What?’_ he snaps, not meaning to sound whiny or hurt but.

He just does.

Liam rolls his eyes, raking his eyes over Zayn’s whole getup. Zayn looks down and self-consciously and _of fucking course._

It’s the apron Liam gave him for his 20th (one of too many gifts) – a collage of Zayn’s mugshots, pictures contributed by the whole band and anyone close to both Zayn and Liam.

Hopefully he won’t find any of them on Google; whoever said it was impossible for Zayn to look ugly was wrong, _clearly._

‘Fuck you’ Zayn laughs, letting out a small breath of relief. Liam raises his eyebrow, lips turning up into a toothy grin.

_‘Fuck me indeed’_

 

[ _And you’re right from the start, you know I got ya_ ]

 

‘So’ Liam starts, taking a small sip of his red wine (choice drink because Zayn’s got class and he’s out to impress), ‘How’s the recording going?’

Zayn looks surprised and he pouts, ‘What d’ya mean – recording? I haven’t done anythin’ yet man’

Liam clears his throat, brown eyes glimmering under Zayn’s dim lounge lighting, ‘Uh – what was Naughty Boy’s link then?’

‘ _Oh – that_ ’ Zayn murmurs, at a loss for words. ‘Uh – I recorded that last year man. Shahid leaked it this year though – probably out for some publicity, especially since March…’

‘ _Oh’_ Liam mumbles, looking down at his feet. He looks… disappointed? Downcast?

 _‘_ What’s wrong, babe?’ Zayn carefully questions, leaning forward and cautiously placing a hand over Liam’s. He doesn’t like seeing Liam like this; insecurity at its height.

 

[ _Yea you know I got ya_ ]

 

‘You don’t feel the same anymore, then?’ Liam pipes up and Zayn quickly pulls back his hand, clenching his fingers together.

He grits his teeth because he knows Liam would recognise it. He knows that it’s obviously an ode, a love letter of _unrequited_ love written indirectly for Liam Payne. And

It’s not secret anymore… is it?

Zayn’s tongue darts out over his bottom lip, ‘About what?’ he risks uselessly and Liam sucks his lower lip between his teeth.

‘ _You know what Zayn’_ he whispers, looking up with warm, hazelnut eyes. Glimmering in the mellow lighting like after the X-Factor final.

After their name came first and they came third and Liam spouted a few brave words of congratulations before the 5 of them quickly retreated to Niall’s hotel room for a cry and ice-cream.

Glimmering dazedly like when they first fucked. Albeit quite unromantic, Zayn’s feelings towards Liam reached a peak after a shared orgasm.

 _Holy shit,_ Liam mutters, shaking his head as he leans forward, cupping his face in his hands, ‘Don’t tell me I was the only one who felt that way?’ 

_[I won’t mind, even though I know, you’ll never be mine]_

Zayn reaches forward and almost in an antagonistic reaction Liam shrinks back, looking like he wants the ground to swallow him down.

‘Liam-‘

‘No, uh’ Liam blurts out, licking his bottom lip, ‘Uh this was a mistake – I thought that was like’ he laughs sheepishly, flailing his hands about, but Zayn’s heart breaks at the sadness evident in his tone.

‘I thought you were um hinting summat, y’know?’ Liam laughs, voice cracking slightly, ‘You always seem to be doing that – beatin’ round the bush ‘n shit… All that badboy vibe and fuck – I should’a known you weren’t hitting at somethin’’

‘No, Liam’ Zayn mumbles, standing up to walk around the coffee table to take a seat beside the brunet. Still no look up. He sighs.

‘Li’ he whispers and Liam looks up, tears in his eyes, a small smile on his lips.

Liam shrugs, reaching up to wipe an unshed tear away, ‘No – _no,_ I jus’ like had hopes’ He snorts self-depreciatingly and looks down again.

‘ ’Ve loved ya since a long time now, man’ Liam softly says, interrupting his own monologue. Zayn’s heart _pounds_ against his chest.

 

[ _We messed around until we found the one thing, we said, we could never ever_ ]

 

He feels bile rising up in his throat at the prospect.

He can feel himself falling because.

 _Fuck –_ he could’ve spent a lifetime without Liam at his side everyday… He would’ve eventually moved on and found someone. But.

 _Not now_ ; not now when Liam’s so soft and vulnerable and keeps looking at him like-

_Zayn means something to him. He’s more than just his best mate and all that lad stuff._

Liam shrugs again, wiping his eyes with the back of his sweater sleeve.

 _Zayn’s old sweater sleeve,_ the latter realises reproachfully.

‘C’n live without ya’ the brunet mumbles, but he looks unconfident – unsure of himself. And that uncertainty was something Zayn last saw Liam display back in 2010; the X-Factor days.

And it brings back a whole load of memories and the next thing Zayn’s pressed Liam into the couch and kissing him slowly, gently, delicately.

Meaningfully.

 

[ _If we died I’m not allowed to talk about it, but I gotta tell ya_ ]

 

‘Jaan’ Zayn blubbers against Liam’s lips, swinging his legs on to the sofa so he’s pressed comfortably against Liam, body engulfed between Liam’s delicious thighs.

It’s clearly got an undertone to it though; not like when Zayn murmured it to him after their 2011 Chicago gigs, or the 2012 iTunes festival, or that interview the day after where everyone kept making gay innuendos and making sure the world knew Liam got it up the ass last night.

Liam doesn’t know what it means, but he trusts Zayn that it means something lovely; something that evidently befits Liam’s position in Zayn’s life.

And he’s content with that.

Liam kisses back with fervour and want and of course _love._ Love he’s been unable to express because he’s such a wimp. Such an _over thinker_ – Lou used to call him, fondly ruffling his hair after.

Zayn sighs against Liam’s cherry red lips, hands going round Liam’s waist rather uncomfortably. Under both their bodies and legs and Liam swears loudly when Zayn digs his hand into something that probably wasn’t Liam’s hip.

 

[ _‘Cause we are who we are, when no one’s watchin’_ ]

 

They both scramble back up, laughing loudly, knocking their foreheads together like they used to when they were play-fighting.

Like before the first time they kissed.

 _(‘He just leaned forward and kissed me!’_ Liam laughs into the mic and tries to ignore the look Zayn’s throwing him. The “mysterious one”, a fan once christened it. Like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on through your mind at this moment, trying to decipher your thoughts, trying to break your mind so he can piece it back together again)

‘Ugh’ Liam moans as Zayn’s finger imprint his hips, thumb stroking over his clothed hipbone. ‘No _Zayn_ – fuck, _‘ve had_ enough’a blue balls’

Zayn laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, _(“disgustingly in love”_ Louis had pointed out millions of times) and tugs Liam forwards so they end up in one heaving mess against the arm rest of the couch.

‘I give ya blue balls?’ Zayn murmurs, raising an eyebrow suggestively. Liam, now straddling his torso groans and flicks Zayn’s chest.  

Zayn shakes his head, a smirk beginning to make its way on to his lips. ‘No’ he purrs, practically preening as Liam’s hands go to stroke his hair, ‘I didn’t realise’

‘We need to talk ‘bout this, babe’ Zayn blurts out, eyelashes fanning out over his cheeks as he smiles down at Liam. Liam rolls his eyes and leans over Zayn, lying against each other with wild beating hearts and a synapse of unsaid words hung between them.

‘Gosh, stop being so lovable’ Liam hums, pressing a kiss to the corner of Zayn’s lips. Grinning, the dark-haired lad pushes up and presses their lips together, melding together in a way that makes Liam recall _Over Again._

(“ _Bodies intertwined with his lips” Louis hummed, petting Harry’s head of messy curls dozing in his lap. “You guys make me sick” Niall mused, chucking a balled up lyric sheet at the pair as Zayn and Liam laughed at the scene unfolding before them, vowing to never reach their level)_

‘ _Leeyum’_

Liam grabs a cushion and smacks Zayn’s head with it, earning a weak _“not the hair”._ He smacks his lips together and grins lazily down at Zayn who’s looking up with such un-platonic fondness and adoration.

Liam wonders how he didn’t pick up on anything earlier.

‘Ugh, I’m sleepy right now’ Liam whines, resting his head against Zayn’s chest, hands going round his waist as much as they can before jabbing Zayn in the spine.

‘ _Leeyu –  ugh._ Fine’ Zayn admonishes, pulling through Liam’s short hair with his fingers. ‘Can’t resist you when you look like this’ Zayn huffs, kissing Liam’s hairline, feeling Liam’s pale skin heat up underneath his lips.

‘That should be a song lyric’ Liam notes and Zayn taps his thigh gently. ‘Forever the cliché, Li?’ Zayn says suggestively, raising his eyebrows as Liam purses his lips at him, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

‘ _But I’m your cliché’_

2016: a year later, it does become one of the most favoured lyrics on Zayn’s entire album. All credits to the love of his life, the reason of his existence, his anchor; Liam James Payne.

 

**Author's Note:**

> fucking hell i love fluffy ziam i'm sorry :) feedback appreciated.


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